Poor Mojo's News Show Podcast No. 75 (64 kbps .mp3 11:00 5.0 Mb)
A daily roundup of things that seemed important.
jerks in person
THIS IS POOR MOJO'S NEWS SHOW FOR MONDAY, MARCH TWENTY-SIXTH, TWO THOUSAND AND SEVEN
A DAILY ROUNDUP OF THINGS THAT SEEMED IMPORTANT.
THE RELATIVES OF LATE ESCAPE ARTIST HARRY HOUDINI -- WHO DIED EIGHTY-ONE YEARS AGO -- HAVE ASKED THAT HIS BODY BE EXUMED. THE REASON -- SUSPICION THAT THE GREAT MAGICIAN WAS MURDERED. THE STANDARD STORY IS THAT A FAN TESTING THE MAGICIAN'S FAMED ABDOMINAL MUSCLES SUCKER-PUNCHED HOUDINI AND RUPTURED HIS APPENDIX. HOWEVER, ACCORDING TO WIRE SERVICES HOUDINI'S DEATH ON HALLOWEEN, NINENTEEN TWENTY-SIX -- MAY HAVE BEEN DUE TO POISONING -- PSYCHICS OF THE TIME WANTED HIM DEAD FOR DEBUNKING THEIR BOGUS CLAIMS OF CONTACT WITH THE DEAD.
THERE'S A SITE THAT POOR MOJO'S NEWSWIRE EDITOR DAVE-O JUST LOVES, AND IT'S CALLED OVERHEARD IN NEW YORK. AND HERE'S AN EXAMPLE:
Puerto Rican teen #1: That's nothing. I seen a horse give birth on the TV. That baby horse just come outta the big horse butt all slimy and shit.
Puerto Rican teen #2: Oh, snap?
Puerto Rican teen #1: For real, yo. That's some big stuff comin' outta your butt if you're a horse and shit...
ON FRIDAY, THE PRESIDENT OF MENU FOODS, MAKERS OF THE DOG AND CAT FOODS WHICH ARE THE APPARENT CAUSE OF PET DEATHS THROUGHOUT NORTH AMERICA SAID HIS COMPANY WOULD MAKE RESTITUTION FOR ANIMALS KILLED BY ITS PRODUCTS. LAST WEEK IT WAS LEARNED THAT A CHEMICAL USED IN RAT POISON -- CALLED aminopterin --WAS FOUND IN SAMPLES OF THE PET FOOD, WHICH HAS BEEN RECALLED. FROM THE ABC NEWS ARTICLE: Investigators,are looking into whether the rat poison came into the United States on an ingredient used in the recalled food. ABC News has learned that Menu Foods bought wheat gluten, the only ingredient changed in its plants, from China. That possibility raises questions about the safety of pet and other food products in the United States.
The chemical can cause kidney failure in dogs and cats, said Donald Smith, dean of Cornell University's College of Veterinary Medicine. HOWEVER, OTHER VETS INTERVIEWED FOR THE ABC NEWS ARTICLE SAID THE CHEMICIAL IS ACTUALLY A STRONG ANTICOAGULANT AND THAT THE LEISIONS THEY'RE SEEING ON ANIMAL'S KIDNEYS DON'T MATCH WHAT RAT POISON DOES.
TURNS OUT WE ALL EAT OTHER PEOPLE. POOR MOJO'S NEWSWIRE EDITOR MOJO EXPLAINS: Cysteine is derived from many sources, but the cheapest is human hair. It is included in many foods as a flavoring agent, a "processing aid for baking", it's in cough syrups, and in cigarettes.
We are all cannibals.
THE WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE EXPLAINS THAT the cheapest source of material from which food grade L-cysteine may be purified in high yield is by hydrolysis of molecules in human hair. Other sources include feathers and pig bristles. The companies producing cysteine by hydrolysis are located mainly in China.
THIS IS POOR MOJO'S NEWS SHOW, a proud member of the progressive PODCAST NETWORK! HERE'S ANOTHER SHOW FROM THAT NETWORK: CYBER-PUNK RADIO SAN FRANSISCO! Like an audio comic book from the future.
1:04 - CYBER PUNK RADIO PROMO
THOSE OF YOU WHO LISTEN TO THE NEWS SHOW MAY NOT APPRECIATE THAT OUR PROGRAM IS ONLY ONE SERVICE OF POOR MOJO'S ALMANAC(K), AN ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE. OUR EDITOR IN CHIEF IS THE GIANT SQUID. AND WHEN HE'S NOT OFF ADVENTURING OR BEING PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OR PLAYING D AND D, HE'S AN ADVICE COLUMNIST. GO CHECK IT OUT FOR YOURSELF IF YOU WANT AT POOR MOJO DOT ORG. ANYWAY, I MENTION ALL THIS BY WAY OF EXPLAINING OUR FASCINATION WITH ALL THINGS GIANT SQUID, LIKE THIS STORY. YOU MAY RECALL THAT FISHERMEN -- TWO MONTHS AGO IN THE ANTARCTIC -- CAUGHT THE LARGEST EVER EXAMPLE OF THE ELUSIVE GIANT SQUID AND -- IN A MURDEROUS RAGE -- STUFFED IT INTO A FREEZER TO PRESERVE IT, ACCORDING TO M-S-N-B-C DOT COM,RATHER THAN GIVE THE POOR DEAD SEA MONSTER A DECENT BURIAL, SCIENTISTS AT New Zealand’s national museum, Te Papa Tongarewa, have taken possession of the beast AND WILL MICROWAVE IT IN A GIANT MICROWAVE OVEN. NOT BECAUSE THE CALIMARI WOULD BE DELICIOUS -- IN FACT, THE TRACTOR-TIRE SIZED RINGS WOULD TASTE LIKE AMMONIA, SCIENTISTS SAY. NO, THEY HAVE TO MICROWAVE IT BECAUSE THE DAMN THING IS SO BIG THAT IF THEY JUST MELT AT ROOM TEMPARATURE THE OUTISDE WOULD ROT BEFORE THEY COULD THAW THE INSIDE.
ATRIOS' ES-KAH-TON BLOG PASSED ALONG THIS BEAUTIFUL STORY FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES: DATELINE WASHINGTON — Newly released documents show Attorney General Alberto Gonzales approved plans to fire several U.S. attorneys in a
November meeting, contrary to claims he was not closely involved in
the dismissals. ON NOVEMBER 27TH, GONZO PERSONALLY SIGNED OFF ON THE PLAN CRAFTED BY HIS NOW-RESIGNED CHIEF OF STAFF TO FIRE THE EIGHT PROSECUTORS. IMPEACH THE ATTORNEY GENERAL NOW.
THIS IS POOR MOJO'S NEWS SHOW!
NETFLIX, THE COMPANY THAT MAILS YOU DVDS, HAS A NOVEL APPROACH TO AWARDING VACATION TIME TO EMPLOYEES. IF YOU GET YOUR SHIT DONE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO COME IN ALL THE TIME. FROM THE SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS: Employees at the online movie retailer often leave for three, four, even five weeks at a time and never clock in or out. Vacation limits and face-time requirements, says Netflix Chief Executive Reed Hastings, are "a relic of the industrial age."
"The worst thing is for a manager to come in and tell me: `Let's give Susie a huge raise because she's always in the office.' What do I care? I want managers to come to me and say: `Let's give a really big raise to Sally because she's getting a lot done' - not because she's chained to her desk."
POOR MOJO'S NEWSWIRE EDITOR MOJO SAYS: UNLIMITED LEAVE SOUNDS A LOT BETTER THAN TWO WEEKS.
WHAT HAPPENS TO LOCAL COMMUNITIES WHEN PEOPLE WHO CANNOT MANAGE HOME LOANS ARE GIVEN HOME LOANS? HOW WILL LOCAL GOVERNMENTS COPE WITH THE COMING ONE POINT ONE MILLION -- AT LEAST -- FORECLOSURES COMING DOWN THE PIKE? ACCORDING TO THE NEW YORK TIMES, IN THE CLEVELAND SUBURB OF SHAKER HEIGHTS, officials are installing alarms, fixing broken windows and mowing lawns at vacant houses in hopes of preventing a snowball effect, in which surrounding property values suffer and worried neighbors move away. “It’s a tragedy and it’s just beginning,” Mayor Judith H. Rawson of Shaker Heights SAID OF THE PROBLEMS CAUSED BY a rapid increase in high-interest, subprime loans. Managing the damage to our communities will take years.”
THIS IS, SIMPLY PUT, THE RAPE OF THE COMMONS. LENDERS AND BANKERS AND REAL ESTATE AGENTS ARE SUCKING MONEY OUT OF OUR COMMUNITIES -- WHERE DO YOU THINK THE MONEY COMES FROM FOR SHAKER HEIGHTS TO MAINTAIN FORCLOSED HOUSES? AND THE WEALTHY WHO MAKE THE MONEY HIRE TAX LAWERS TO AVOID PAYING BACK IN TO THE COMMONS TO KEEP COMMUNITIES STABLE. BECAUSE THAT'S THE LAST THING THEY WANT. COMMUNITY LEADERS, ON THE OTHER HAND, WILL PAY WHAT'S NEEDED TO STABILZE THE MESS BECAUSE, AS MOJO POINTS OUT, NO ONE WANTS ANOTHER DETROIT. THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE PROMISED A GOVERNMENT FREE OF REGULATION, THINK ABOUT THIS STORY.
THOSE JEWS GOT TO MEL GIBSON LAST THURSDAY. NOW, WHEN I TELL YOU THAT THE LATEST PERSON TO SET POOR MEL OFF WAS NAMED "ESTRADA" YOU MIGHT TELL ME THAT THIS NAME DOESN'T SOUND VERY JEWISH. TO WHICH MEL AND I REPLY, "THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK. FROM TMZ DOT COM:
It happened last night at Cal State University at Northridge in the San Fernando Valley. Gibson was speaking to a film class about his movies, and several members of the Mayan community came to hear the famous director.
Alicia Estrada, an Assistant Professor of Central American Studies at CSUN, challenged Gibson, asking him if he had read about the Mayan culture before shooting the controversial film ABOUT MAYANS, THE NAME OF WHICH WE WILL FAIL TO PROMOTE HERE.. Gibson said he had.
Estrada persisted, stating that representations in the movie that the Mayans engaged in sacrificial ceremonies and had bloodthirsty tendencies were both wrong and racist. Estrada and others tell TMZ that Gibson exploded in anger, responding, "Lady, F**k off."
NOW, THAT'S HOW YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THOSE MAYAN CRYPTO-JEWS. GOOD GOIN', MEL! ALWAYS THE GENTLEMAN.
## C L O S E R ##
OUR THEME SONG IS AN UNTITLED PIECE FROM THE DISC "HIMNO NASIONAL" BY THE FIGURES, AVAILABLE AT FINGERPRINT DASH RECORDS DOT COM.
FIND US ONLINE AT P-O-O-R-M-O-J-O DOT O-R-G, AND FOLLOW THE LINK TO THE NEWSWIRE
THIS HAS BEEN POOR MOJO'S NEWS SHOW, I'M ALAN BENARD.
Posted by Alan at 10:53 PM 0 comments